#7 (aka: Better today)

I'm trying not to focus as much on what happened with Bear now. If I do find myself thinking about Wednesday, I try to immediately zone in on the fun I had with him, instead of the rough patch we hit toward the end of our visit. I'm still having a bit of a hard time, but I'm trying to stay strong. I've been thinking that maybe if I stop consciously looking for a father figure, I'll just find one someday (hopefully much sooner than later). After all, that's how I ended up meeting my first girlfriend. And our relationship turned out to be pretty good... for a while. Yeah -- that's what I'll do. I just hope I don't end up kicking myself for it.

Something that helped me to not think about Wednesday's cloud of trauma was my presentation in Contemporary Issues about Transgender Discrimination. After my PowerPoint slideshow was finished, I answered an array of questions that didn't really have to do with discrimination in particular (they asked instead about the process of transitioning for Transgender people and about how my family and society and general deals with it), but it was still a heart-warming, optimism-inducing experience for me because it proved to me that these people are not as cruel as I always thought they were (at least, they're not as cruel now). And they really listened to what I had to say! Attentively! And that was probably the best part of all.

My teacher said that she'd never witnessed anything like the transformation my class seems to have made because of my example. I'm not going to let that extraordinary compliment go to my head, but it was something I honestly didn't expect, and to be appreciated that way by someone outside of the Queer community is a great feeling.