#27 (aka: Darling little rascals)

(Now, I promise that this bit of story will lead into my original topic, because I know sometimes my stories and my initial spark of inspiration don't match up. Anyway...) At my therapy meeting on Thursday, a question that my mom and I both had for the gender specialist was if it would be safe for me to give birth to my own biological child after beginning hormone treatment. She said that, no; it wasn't a good idea, citing some findings that doctors had made about children whose parents were female-bodied people who were taking testosterone before they were conceived. The parents then stopped taking the hormones, with the wellbeing of their child in mind, but the children were still born with birth defects. I never wanted to have my own biological children anyway, so I didn't think it was really an issue anymore.

But, last night, my dad, my stepmom, my stepbrother and I went to a church function where the purpose was to give people food and play games and watch a movie to try to recruit more people to join the church. There were a lot of really sweet kids there. One, in particular, sat on my lap while eating his pizza just so that he could be around me more (he basically followed me around all night). And I was deeply moved by that.

I really don't know what's up with me now. I seem to have the urge to be a dad (someday). I don't want to have my own children -- even before I realized I was Trans, I wanted to adopt, because I don't think I could handle the pain of giving birth very well and I'd rather take care of a child already trying to survive in this messed-up world we're living in than bring another into it. But I want to help raise a child. And I want to be somebody's Transbrother -- somebody's older Transbrother. Maybe it's my desire to be needed and loved and appreciated like I need, love, and appreciate my own Chosen Family that drives me to want to raise children someday -- I don't know. All I do know is that one of the main goals that I had when I came out and began to do activism was to make a difference in the life (or lives) of someone (or some people) like me. I want to be for another what my Chosen Family (specifically the gender-variant members) are for me.

Is this urge to be a positive influence on someone younger a common thing, in y'all's experience?