#41 (aka: Odd-kosh mah-gosh)

Today marks what is probably the strangest day, emotion-wise, for me. EVER. Curious? Here we go:

- My personal fitness class was just ending, and one of the head teachers comes up and tells one of my fellow senior classmates and I that we need to be in the auditorium for a class meeting (aka: lecture). So, we go in there, and right away I can tell that this is just like all the other "class meetings" we've had, where the administration are the ones talking, and we, the class, are sitting silently without an opportunity to submit any input. The meeting is about a couple of incidents that have happened in the last week or so that both the administration, as well as the majority of the class ourselves, are quite offended by. But, a big reason for our offense is that, frankly, the majority of us also don't know exactly what happened to require this meeting in the first place! That is how it usually goes with class meetings, though -- the people who know what's going on don't say anything, and those of us who don't just sit back and listen, hoping to understand but at the same time staying out of it so we don't become suspects. But today, I got angry. I finally became furious with the administration. I realized fully, This isn't right. Those of us who are innocent should not be held accountable for stuff we don't know anything about. Then I felt myself getting more worked-up than I knew I should in a crowded setting like the meeting, so I got myself out of there. I started to cry, and hyperventilate, and I got out of there. Needless to say, it was a difficult half-hour.

But then.......

- After the meeting, and after the seniors were permitted to have lunch (because, yeah, the meeting occured during the large part of what should have been our lunchtime), I went to chorus. I was expecting to be made even more pissed off, but it turned out to be really fun -- we laughed and sang (moderately, so we don't wreck our voices) and joyously carried on. I'm realizing now that my chorus teacher is not the reason that I go to chorus, because if she was, I'd be long out of that class by now. I've realized that the reason I keep going back there is because of the other high school chorus members. All eight of 'em. I was thinking about school today, looking around at my class during our meeting, and it came to me: There's a chance that I'll never see some of these people, some of which I've just started to become friends with, ever again. I need to be supportive and respectful of them, and I need to make as much of these last nineteen days of our schooling together as positive as it can be. And that's the same mentality I had going into chorus today, as well. Tonight will be our last concert together. It will be the last one I'll be in with them. It will be the last event where I can stand next to one or two of them and look at them as we take our bows and think, I'm so proud of you; of us. After tonight, as I watch future concerts and see them graduate, I'll still be proud. But, tonight is an end for us. And I'm going to give all of my voice to our songs. And I'm going to look into that crowd as they sit at their tables and in the bleachers as we sing, and I'm not going to think about my chorus teacher at all. I'm going to lead, and I'm going to follow, and I'm going to sing the songs like it's my last time, because it will be.

#40 (aka: Latin music, not so much, but every now and then...)

From 7th-8th grade, I was really enamored with Enrique Iglesias (yup, laugh it up -- however, let it be known that it was his influence that encouraged me to buy my first pair of MENS' leather pants). While I don't listen to his music much anymore, there are just some days when I need a bit of Latin music to get - well - everything moving, and today is one of those days. So, I have submitted to "The Rhythm Divine" and "Bailamos". I don't know how I feel about it yet.

And yes, Enrique, I most certainly can "feel the rhythm burning". Does that finally answer your question?!

#39 (aka: Finally quoting)

A while ago, Peterson made a posting about the five quotes that were most inspiring to him (or something along those lines). He tagged me to do the same at the end of the post, and I've been so busy, I haven't had the time to sit down and do it. So, today's the day. Here are my picks for my favorite/most inspiring quotes:

- "The most beautiful people in the world, and the most powerful, are those people who are unashamed just to be themselves" -- Peterson, The Identity Monologue

- "The nature of gender? Isn't that an oxymoron?" -- Kate Bornstein, My Gender Workbook

- "Your heart is the heart of the world, brother." -- S.B.B.

- "When I dare to be powerful; to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid." -- Audre Lorde

- "To reveal the merest facets of the self, particularly when they are hard to uncover and even harder to understand, is a wonder of existence." -- C.R.

I'm also not going to tag anybody. Anyone who wants to do this quotation assignment, may.

#38 (aka: BIG, GREAT, AMAAAAAZING NEWS!!!!!)

I'm now $1,000 closer to college!

My mom got a call from a woman who works for the greater Boston branch of PFLAG, and the woman asked her to tell me to call her. So I did. And.... I am one of only 5 recipients of the GBPFLAG Elsie Frank Scholarship!!!!!!!!!! I think this could rank as one of the best moments of my entire life.

#37 (aka: Another workshop, another blurb)

On Wednesday, my school's Gay-Straight Alliance and I are leading a workshop about how to combat homophobia in public schools at a conference being held at a local middle school. For this workshop, I elected to be one of our group's three or four student speakers so that I could tell my own story and do my part by spreading the word not only about discrimination happening inside academic locations, but also in the world at large. This isn't exactly the assignment given to me by the GSA members and advisors, but it's what I came up with.

Hi, I’m Elliot. I’m eighteen, and I’m a high school senior. Like most other people in my class, I’m making preparations to go to college next year, I fight almost daily with my younger sibling, and I’m in a romantic relationship. The only real difference is that I am a transgender man.

Being a member of a minority group within a minority group, and with so many people being unsure of what being transgender means, you might think, Man, I bet he gets a lot of backlash for just being himself, but I actually haven’t. No; I’ve never been more violently harassed than being called names, or being told that I was wrong for expressing this part of my identity. Not even from some of my less than open-minded classmates. Instead, I hear about discrimination not while it’s happening, but afterward. Afterward, when all I can do is write down how the news makes me feel, or talk about it with friends and cry on their shoulders because the pain felt by victims of hate crimes is not only felt by them, but by everyone who hears about it and knows they could be next. Afterward, when I pray “it” doesn’t ever happen to me. Afterward, when I am warned that my furious passion is going to get me in trouble someday, and I am told to calm down. Afterward, when I refuse to just stand back and watch and not do anything.

That is why I am here. I’m here today to try my hardest to prevent another situation like that of Gwen Araujo, a transgender woman, who was only seventeen when she was murdered by three guys her age who were supposed to be her friends. I’m here to stop another Logan Smith incident before it happens, because the police definitely won’t – those officers of the law kicked him so hard in the abdomen that they punctured his bladder, which lead to his death, due to septic shock.

I’m here for my lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, questioning, intersex, two spirited, same-gender-loving, third sex, pansexual brothers and sisters who cannot be, either because they’re too scared to “come out”, or because they’ve been physically, emotionally or mentally hurt so badly that they can’t stand up for themselves, or because they’re no longer alive.

The great lesbian poet Audre Lorde once said, “When I dare to be powerful; to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid”. As I stand before you today, and tell you all of this, I am afraid. But today, I also dare to be powerful, so with each passing second, my fear is conquered by my mission to make our world, starting with our schools, safer for us all.

Wish us luck! With this being the first workshop being led at a conference for most of my fellow group members, I think we'll need all the well-wishes we can get.